taking each day a night at a time

first time

2006-12-04T23:39:00.000+08:00

running since the accident. around the lake, trying to get my lungs to keep up with my legs. which is a good thing, i guess. my stamina is shot to bits, but my legs held up. i will never complain about jogging ever again. it felt so good to just move at a slightly faster pace than a sloth on sedatives, which was my normal pace a couple of weeks ago. now the wait to play futsal begins.

celebrating 3 birthdays in one day. Happy Birthday Winnie, it was a super party and you were an excellent host. Happy Birthday Paul, you've been a close friends since Taylor's and you'll be one till our days in Seremban. and hopefully beyond that. Luv ya, bro *in a totally straight way* Happy Birthday Cheems, i forgot to mention how you weren't only the liver of the SRC, but also of the IMU family we have. cos we have yew wen and wei loong in our midst. lol.

being there and not being scared. being strangely comfortable. how weird, i wonder why.

overwhelmed

2006-11-16T00:40:00.000+08:00

i have days while i sit on the steps in front of my apartment block and hate my life. i hate having to deal with a major exam in less than 2 months. i hate the physio in the mornings. not so much the pain, but the time and energy it drains from me. i hate the fact that i'm disadvantaged. life threw a pile of crud in my face, and i forgot to duck.

then somedays, i'm really thankful i have so much going well for me. that despite my situation, i have many things others don't have. that after the pain, i still have a leg to walk on. that i can afford the cab ride home. that people ask how i am.

somedays, i feel nothing.

today i felt overwhelmed by how i knew that no matter how trying this time may be, it too shall pass. that even thought things won't be perfect, thing can and will fall into place. the pieces won't click together with absolute certainty, but they will fit. that someone is taking care of me after all. for someone who isn't religious, i find it strange that i've come to accept that some things can't be controlled, just dealt with.

i hate not knowing exactly what to do all the time, not knowing that i am the only contributor to the consequence of my actions. but i think i need blind faith right now. the type of faith where you just stop trying to stay on top of things. i need to believe. even though i don't believe in it.

2006-11-12T01:59:00.000+08:00

Bold the statements that are true to you.Italise the statements that you WISH are true.Leave the Fibs alone.Then, stab 3 people to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now.
I do not watch tv these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I have tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I have changed mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I curse.
I'm totally smart.
I've broken someone's bones. <--------- haha
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller ID.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I'm shy around members of the opposite sex.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I have tried alcohol before.
I own the South Park movie.
I would die for my best friend.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with girls (insert: and boys) (?!)
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I study for tests most of the time.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake's slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
I have jazz in my blood.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I wear a toe ring.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.

it's 5.18

2006-10-15T05:24:00.000+08:00

the last time i was still awake at this time, i was actually happy.

irony

2006-10-01T19:13:00.000+08:00

the future doctors-and-pharmacists-to-be stare and gawk, the cleaning lady on the 2nd floor stops to ask how i am. the pharmacy students snigger and speak in mandarin about it (i understand, idiots), the guard asks whether she can help me down the stairs.

the friends i expected to care, don't, and the juniors i barely know offer a smile and kind words.

the joy from winning imu cup gold for debate doesn't materialise, but the fun from doing it with my partner (debate partner) is more than i could ask for.

the conversations with my mother where i expect sympathy don't come. suck it up, she says.

the conversations with old time friends which i expected to be akward, turned out to be much more pleasant than i'd ever imagine. thanks.

the sleepless nights remain, but the need to call isn't as urgent anymore. i'll live with it, i guess.

simpler times

2006-09-29T16:22:00.000+08:00

i miss college. i miss 121D. i miss the 7 of us doing shit and having fun. those were far simpler times. my mum said i grew up after coming to IMU, and that i changed. i guess i did. but i wish i could go back to the DoTA sessions, late night mamaks, 3-4s, cock talking marathons that we used to share.

beacuse i'm bored

2006-09-15T11:44:00.000+08:00

most m2/05 peeps would already be out of the post respi exam feedback session (if there was one) and enjoying the sweet, sweet taste of freedom that one rarely gets in med school. if i were there now, i'd prob be going for lunch, then resting up before the football game later today. instead, i'm sitting with 1/3 of both ass cheekc perched on my plastic chair, blogging and trying not to be depressed bout my lack of mobility. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

everyone is having fun playing for imu cup. having fun going to lectures (it seems fun now), going out for movies, eating mamak food. doing anything else except staying at home eating painkillers, hobbling on crutches and doing physio. everyone except me.

i want to be able to play futsal. to go running again. to go to the toilet and piss without having to bring my goddamn crutches. to hug my bolster. to be able to fetch my own blooday glass of water at night. to answer phones while they're still ringing. to bend my fucked up knee!!

i am depressed. =(

stupid broken knee

2006-09-09T12:40:00.000+08:00

i long to be able to sleep with my knee bent. and to be able to not wake up 15 times in one night, clutching at my knee. the doctor says it's a good month away before the pain goes away and physio starts. that means it's 4 weeks of post operation pain. sigh.

no one comes here anymore, but if you did, you'd know what happened. it didn't just dislocate, it broke. and my ligaments are shredded (the word the doc used). this is perhaps the worst injury i ever had and it certainly feels like it. my brother says after the 3 hour surgery, i'll feel nausea, groggy and pain. i'm not really that scared of pain (i think i have a rather high threshold), but i am afraid of being immoblie (which i will be) for the week i'll be in hospital. i don't like the thought of not being able to walk around and fetch things for myself.

i hobble around school now and get my fair share of odd looks ("who's that asshole taking his own sweet time going down the stairs?") and sympathy (the cleaning lady offered to pray for my recovery =) ) but mostly, people have been considerate - keeping doors open, helping me support myself, offering kind words.

none more than my housemates, jem and chow. they've been nothing short of amazing when it comes to doing whatever needs to be done. thanks guys for getting me to the hospital, for getting my ice, for the emotional support, for the food, for the assurance that help is a shout away =) and shout out to siaw too for going to SJMC with me.

pwas and sue, thanks for the rides to get food, the sms-es asking how i am, the ferrying around, the concern. it's going to be 4 long weeks of taking care of me, don't get sick of it, ya? LOL. but i am unbelievably grateful to have the both of you being so caring. *tears up*

to my other friends, thanks for your concern. all of you have gone out of your way to ask how i am, and for a person in constant discomfort, it's a moment of relief when someone shows they care.

and to you: i'm hurt. disappointed. heartbroken.

surgery on monday. hosp for a week. 4 weeks of pain. 4 weeks of physio.

projected return to futsal? november

the knee

2006-09-08T00:46:00.000+08:00

hurts like shit.

argh.

the correct mistake

2006-08-10T15:00:00.000+08:00

... is made when you do something your heart, your mind says is wrong but everyone else thinks is right.

the only thing more painful than making correct mistakes once, is making them twice. making them 3 times in a row is just plain suicidal, but i've got a feeling i'll be doing just that pretty soon.

i hate these situations where you can't say what you really want to say, and ask the questions that you really want to ask. sometimes, you're not even allowed to feel the way you really want to feel. but hey, shutting up, smiling and pretending you're not wilting inside is the right thing to do. pretending not to care just plain hurts.

i told you that there aren't any maybes in the way i feel now. i know exactly what i need and want and for a short, short while, i thought i could still work towards it. but i have to commit the same bloody correct mistake again.

and fuck it, it's killing me.

Manila, baby!

2006-05-18T00:43:00.000+08:00

Not that it really matters (since this blog is updated VERY irregularly), but i'll be in Manila, Philippines for the next 9 days.

Will miss class, First Aid classes, CSU, PBLs and lab sessions. But mostly, family and friends.

Take care, guys. =)

stuck in an emotional vacuum

2006-05-11T00:43:00.000+08:00

ever felt like you were stuck in nothing? nothing as in a total void. nothing as in empty space, where silence tears through the air and hurts your tympanic membrane (eardrums, excuse the jargon)

i feel like i'm in one of those vacuum seal, zip-loc bags. all the air has been sucked out, and i'm just trying to breathe. the edges of the bag are close enough to reach and yet even if i reach the sides, i can't climb out anyways.

being stuck in an emotional void is very much like watching a very bad cantonese film. in a theatre. in hong kong. where they all think it's riveting ( i choose hong kong movies cause i hate them and i don't understand the language. i'm a useless cantonese, sue me). there you are, with people right beside you, yet no one is within reach. you can't talk to them (because Nokia says not to talk when in cinemas) and you can't touch them because that would make them angry and scold you in cantonese (which i don't understand, as you might have already known). you can't watch the movie, because it's bad and devoid of a plot.

and so you sit.

and fidget a bit.

and squirm.

and yet you can't leave till it's over and you can't do anything but stare at the screen and try to make sense of it all. and all the while, make sure the person on the left and on the right don't get disturbed.

being in an emotional void is not a draining of your emotional reserves. it's just being in a little seat, in a dark cinema, where there are people everywhere, but no one to talk to.

and so i continue to stare at the screen.

Happy Birthday Senaiboy!

2006-04-10T02:03:00.000+08:00

happy birthday. you're 20 now. try not to fall asleep during lectures anymore, please.

hope you had a good b'day!

on song choices and revivals

2006-04-07T01:03:00.000+08:00

this meme is from a certain somebody that wanted a blog revival from me. =) thanks i needed the incentive. it was quite fun.

instructions: go to music player of choice, put on shuffle. say the following questions aloud, and press play. use the song titles that come up to answer each question. no cheating.

how does the world see me?

knocking on heaven's door - bob dylan

oh shit. i'm too young to die.

will i have a happy life?

pu tong peng you - david tao

for those who don't know, it means 'normal friend' in mandarin. err ... this one doesn't make much sense.

what do people really think of me?

bu yao hai pa - wang lee hom

means 'don't be scared' in mandarin. also means that i actually do like mandarin songs a bit and i ain't completely banana. but in terms of the meme, it's pretty meaningless.

do people secretly lust after me?

the remedy - jason mraz

the remedy? exactly what people should take if they do lust after me. =P

how can i make myself happy?

who will save your soul? - jewel ft. jason mraz

the answer to the 2 questions above sounds surprisingly religious. hmm ...

what should i do with my life?

bad day - something corporate

not a good sign of things to come, huh?

will i ever have children?

vienna - billy joel

right.

what is some good advice for me?

another one bites the dust - queen.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! too many premonitions of an early death!!

what do i think my current theme song is?

you belong to me - bob dylan

seems at for the egg sandwich i'm eating now. hehe.

what song will play at my funeral?

trapped in the closet (chapter 5) - r.kelly

i'm going to be buried in a closet?!? wtf.

what type of men/women do you like?

how far is heaven - los lonely boys

religious people?

what is my day going to be like?

stand - jewel

on what?

why am i here?

fuck it - eamon

haha. rule number one: never question your existence. just be glad for it.

what will people remember me for?

you and i both - jason mraz

awwww ... how sweet.

what song will i get stuck in my head tomorrow?

dream on - aerosmith

it is actually quite catchy. =)

are there people outside waiting to take me away?

you and me - lifehouse

not just me. you're coming too.

what will this year be all about?

under pressure - david bowie and queen

shit.

this meme will continue in the blogs of:

1. siaw
2. jeremy
3. ivy
4. paul
5. yee pei

anger management

2006-03-20T19:39:00.000+08:00

as i sit here and type this, the air con repair man is in the process of removing my whole air con from the wall. i think they're going to clean it. frankly, i don't care what they do as long as it's fixed.

for the past 3 months i've had to sleep without the comfort of air conditioning, which in the current weather we have here is torture. but the stuffy nights, i can bear. what i cannot bear is the fact that all this 3 months i have spent hounding my landlord to get someone to fix it. i've called him at least 15 times to remind him, only to have him pass the job of getting someone to fix my air con to the agent who rented this apartment out to me. so more calls were made, this time to the agent. needless to say, neither the agent nor the landlord were very obliging in getting the job done. everytime i called, they told me:

a. they were busy
b. "next week! next week!"
c. they already sent someone.

and then they hang up before i'm done talking.

*expletive*

maybe it's because i'm a kid (young adult?) and they feel they could take advantage of me la. maybe they're just idiots (most prob). but my mum pointed out to me how sometimes, even in stressful situations where a rise in anger levels is warranted (and rightfully deserved), being calm and kind is probably the way to go.

my mum made a total of 3 calls - one to the agent and two to the landlord - and managed to get someone to come and fix the air con. she didn't raise her voice (like i did), she didn't complain (like i did) and she didn't curse them scumbags (like i did a lot). she just used a bit more tact than i did and got the job done.

i blame my bad handling of stressful situations on the fact that i am a type A personality. i lose my fuse easily and get freaking pissed at indecisive and inept people. but this approach really seems to be doing very little good. so maybe i should do what mum does: anger management.

pictures!

2006-03-13T14:47:00.000+08:00

in this post, i promised some pics of the craftwork done by the kids over at Careheart (my electives). well, here they are =)

Above: A Fish by Tee Wen Jian

Above: Flower by Liew Thien Ming

Above: Hand Woven Mats, work of Shu Fu and Chee Seng

Above: Proof of originality =P

If anyone is interested in learning more or supporting these kids by buying some of the craftwork, feel free to let me know. The paintings shown above cost RM50 (fish) and RM40 (flower). From the money collected, the school takes only what is used for the framing and gives the rest to the students. Prices for the other paintings are about the prices i mentioned above or cheaper. I'm not sure how much the mats costs though cos i they were given to me. =) but they shouldn't cost too much.

She Said What?!? : An Ode to Deborah's Delectable Quotes

2006-03-10T19:43:00.000+08:00

Ah ... when one thinks of the many great minds that humanity has had the pleasure of birthing, names like Einstein, Socrates, Da Vinci come to mind.

but wait!

surely Deborah Chew deserves a mention! with quotes like these, how can she not be?

Prasad (to Yih Seong): "So the caudate lobe is above the quadrate lobe, right?"

Deborah: "You guys are talking about the heart, right?"

Yih Seong: "So the pyloric sphincter is from the stomach to the small intestines, understand?"

Deborah: "So the intestines are above the stomach?"

Yih Seong: o_O

Deborah (in a sms): "who is hamas n what has he got to do with islam"

Deborah (in a mock debate with arms flailing): "so all the muslims will just blow themselves up so they can get their hundred virgins??"

everyone else: "... ..."

Deborah: "Bu yao kai na ke bling bling"

and the one that takes the cake is ...

Deborah: "I'm really very intellectual"
(not that you aren't, just that intellectual people don't tell people they are - defeats the purpose =P)

And there you have it, a compilation of the very best! feel free to add somemore deborah-licious quotes!

Note: This entry was done with the full permission and even help from the subject of this post, Ms. Deborah Chew. A round of applause for this sporting girl, ladies and gentlemen! *clap clap*

electives update!

2006-03-08T19:19:00.000+08:00

this is long overdue but i couldn't possibly blog about it if i didn't finish it, right? =P

i completed my electives last friday and left the school i was teaching in with a heavy heart, knowing it'll be a while before i return. it was a great 3 weeks and all the reservations and doubts i had prior to going were dispelled the moment i started work with the kids.

for those who dodn't know, i did my 3 week long electives at Careheart, a school set up to cater to kids with autism, Down Syndrome and other mental disabilities. there about 20 odd kids and about 6 teachers in the school, housed in a single storey bungalow somewhere in JB (for JB folks: it's behind Peking Restaurant in Taman Sentosa)

working with the kids was an amazing and humbling experience and frustrating as it was trying to teach them, i cannot help but feel rewarded and blessed for the oppurtunity. the kids there are divided into several groups, based on their ability to do certain tasks. the higher function kids were given simple math and language work whereas the kids with lower capabilities were drilled in easier, more technical tasks such as tearing up paper, weaving and preparing the sand used in sand art. these tasks are, to you and me, simple and mundane tasks that require very little concentration but for these kids, the simple duty of tearing a small sheet of paper is a living nightmare. some of the have poor fine motor skills, others are hyperactive. so making them sit in one place to do any task is quite a challenge. more for them than for the teachers.

the kids there (most older than me, but still kids =P) are mostly well behaved and quiet. there are a few that have occasional violent outbursts but all in all, the kids are adorable. they can really test your patience sometimes but wenever you're dealing with these special kids, special consideration has to be given to the fact that they cannot respond normally to stimuli.

the teachers were really really pleasant to me, teaching me patiently and pardoning my noobish mistakes. they're a dedicated bunch and i'm really proud to see how sincerely they love the kids.

on my last day (sob sob) the kids even presented me with two mats which the kids had made. apparently, the mats take a real long time to complete and the students really toiled to complete it (all together now : Awwwwww)

a special thanks going out to the my family who encouraged me through this challenging electives, Prasad for his encouragement, Ivy for her kind words and Denise for her advice ("bring tissues!")

and of course, thanks to the kids, teachers and volunteers for taking me into their little family and making me feel welcome.

p.s - to all those who wish to purchase crafts made by the school (painting, mats - i've got pics i'll put up) or better yet, volunteer to help out, contact me. do your part to make a diffrence, people. =)

haha cool site haha!

2006-02-07T15:12:00.000+08:00

anyone dares declare my blog dead again will have war launched against them, via this website.

haha =)

on many unrelated notes

2006-02-04T22:35:00.000+08:00

if you look here, you'll notice that IMU bloggers are getting loads of blogging street cred from the MMR website. dobbs, the author, pointed out how it was mainly medical students from IMU doing the blogging and not from any other M'sian unis. this could mean 2 things:

1. we're tech savvy med student hot shots who can divide our time sensibly and equally between studying to be doctors and self expression through keeping a weblog.

or

2. we're not really doing what every other med student from other unis are doing - studying.

oh dear ...

on a totally unrelated note, today as i was sitting in for my mom as HEAD NURSE in my dad's clinic, my dad gave me the chance to sit in and look at a patient which had a certain heart ailment. his mitral valves were leaky and everytime his ventricle contracted, the blood would get pushed back into the atrium. or something to that effect. very interesting but i don't completely understand it yet. hopefully i'll learn bout it next sem when we do CVS.

on another unrelated note, i'm just so happy Arsenal are such a crap football team now. i don't even mind man utd never winning another silverware this season as long as Arsenal are scrapping for a UEFA cup place every season. yay!

sorry Paul!

on another (yes, another) unrelated note, i would like to tell miss ADELINE GONG to start planning our road trip!

tick tock tick tock

2006-01-26T12:07:00.000+08:00

results for EoS out in ...

4 hours 54 mins ...

yikes.

update: it's out! happy! =)

homecooked food

2006-01-25T00:17:00.000+08:00

since i've been home, i haven't really ventured into the kitchen yet. the thought of slaving over the stove for 3 hours to prepare a meal was too ... daunting.

but today, i actually wanted to cook. i was bored, hungry and tired of eating out.

so i did.

dinner:

garlic butter rice
a green pepper and tomato salad
pork meatballs with onions and herbs
baked potatoes

there was supposed to be salmon steak seasoned with piri piri to go with all that but i got laxy after an hour ... hehe ...

tomoro, i roast a chicken! with potatoes, carrots and garlic cloves. together with a pasta aglio olio!

hurrah for home cooking!

OMGWTFBBQ!!

2006-01-24T11:36:00.000+08:00

if you read the titles from my last few entries consecutively, it reads:

sometimes you have to realise/ it's over?/ the final few yards/ almost there/ 0 days to EoS. gah!/ and i'm spent.

it's like a coherent few sentences ... amazing ...

sometimes, i astound myself. =P

sometimes you just have to realise

2006-01-23T20:00:00.000+08:00

some of you might have realised that my mood these past few days has been rather nasty, even though it's supposed to be the holidays. some of you were even kind enough to relay your worries regarding my foul mood and take the time to ask how i was - thanks, i say. your concern is very much appreciated.

i don't realy know why i feel this way. it IS supposed to be the holidays and i am SUPPOSED to be having the time of my life. but i ain't having the whale of a time i imagined myself having as i sat in the library, mugging away, just days before the EoS. i ain't feeling liberated. i ain't having FUN. and it ain't fun when you're not having fun when you're supposed to.

and so i spent the last few days mopping around, feeling depressed. depressed cause:
1. i have been rather busy and haven't gotten around to bumming just yet
2. my choice of electives isn't what i wanted it to be. everyone's else sounds nicer.
3. i get depressed just thinking about the 2 reasons above.

it's really all a vicious cycle of being depressed and being more depressed thinking about being depressed.

and frankly, i had enough of it.

and so i stopped being depressed. i stopped wondering how to enjoy myself in my free time and actually just enjoy it. i stopped thinking about how my electives isn't going to be fun and just go and do it. and i stopped feeling sorry for myself.

i called up the charity home i was supposed to do my electives and ironed out some details. now i feel better. =)

i made the most of my time and stocked up one books to read, movies to watch, recipes to cook and horizontal surfaces to sleep on. =)

and i started to feel happy. =)

yay! =)

sorry for the whiny nature of this post. i needed to get it out of my system. feel better now Ahh ... =P

it's over?

2006-01-19T19:32:00.000+08:00

and so after an odd 6 weeks of studying (save the few days near Christmas where i took a break), the EoS came and went. through the past 6 weeks, my stresss levels have been rather high and my behaviour high in a totally different kind of way, as my friends will attest to. but it is finally over. done. finished. and one semester has gone by just like that.

the past 6(?) months in IMU has been rewarding. studying has been consistent, living has been comfortable and friends - very very worth knowing. IMU isn't a campus, it isn't anything more than a single stand alone dilapidated building that leaks everywhere. IMU doesn't make you feel attached to it. it doesn't give you a sense of belonging. but it does and hopefully will serve it's purpose as a medial school. hopefully. =P

the friends i've made in IMU consists of people i have met before and actually do know, people i have met before but never spoke to, people i might have seen from JB but never imagined would eventually know and people who i didn't know existed. all in all, the people in IMU have generally been pleasant.

except for those people.

bad thoughts aside, i hope i do well enough in this EoS to get through to sem 2. and also that i don't fail or get viva.

and i don't quite know how the other sem 1s feel, but i still don't feel particularly liberated or free. i'm still kinda stuck in exam mode.

yuck.

the final few yards

2006-01-17T10:14:00.000+08:00

in about an hour's time, half the batch of M2/05 will be free.

the other half will be almost there. staring down the last few yards of this race/marathon/living hell and putting aside thoughts of holidays and late nights (not studying) and purely concentrating on doing well for our OSPE.

i really have no idea what to expect for this particular exam. i hope it turns out alright and i leave the exam hall like this ---> =)

good luck M2/05.

almost there ... =)

2006-01-16T17:31:00.000+08:00

SAQ is over and done with!

yay!

only OSPE to go.

my thoughts on SAQ? it wasn't too bad. not an easy paper, by any stretch of the imagination, but still, not a killer. some pretty weird questions (no surprise they were for BS) and some pretty straightforward ones too. my only gripe? the lack of time to even THINK. if you even stopped for a moment to rethink a question, you're effectively backlogging and eating out of the stipulated 5 mins allowed for each 10 mark question. ack!! quite a stressful exam to go through. and i'm sure tomoro's will pose a different kind of challenge.

oh, and we celebrated Jem's birthday today at Secret Recipe (where else =P). quite a happy, destressing occasion. everyone kinda forgot there was an exam tomoro.

WE'RE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

almost.

0 days to EoS. gah!

2006-01-15T14:58:00.000+08:00

if you take a look somewhere on the upper right hand side of this website, you'll notice a little countdown-o-meter that says there is 0 days to EoS. and to serve as a helpful reminder as to what type of feelings one should have prior to EoS, it even supplies a very helpful gah.

truth be told, gah doesn't even come close to describing how i feel now. i need EoS to be over now. not in 2 days time. now.

sob sob.

at a time when i should really be studying, i choose to blog and watch snippets of new episodes of Lost.

sigh sigh.

And i'm spent

2006-01-13T03:43:00.000+08:00

the time is 3.53 a.m. and i'm totally wasted. after yesterday's multiple failed attempts to study, i had to go into overdrive today and push myself harder.

that didn't work. haha.

but i did study a wee bit today.

i should sleep now. i've got 14 lecture notes to finish tomorrow. wait, it's later today.

sigh ...

I am ...

2006-01-11T19:38:00.000+08:00

burnt out.

it's probably obvious ...

2006-01-08T18:17:00.000+08:00

that this blog has been dea, err, inactive for a while.

it's also probably obvious that the EoS is coming up for the sem1s and blogging is difficult to do when you're up there with notes and books.

it's also probably obvious that i will revive this blog in a weeks time. ok, this maybe not so obvious.

it's also obvious that the 5 mins i sent typing this could have been spent memorising the muscles used for forced inspiration.

sternocleidomastoid, scalene, pectoralis major, sternocleidomastoid, scalene, pectora ... ...

see ya in a week's time! =)

dinner, seniors and a whole lot of gratitude

2005-12-17T18:22:00.000+08:00

after weeks and weeks (ok, just a week =P) of meticulous planning, the 2005 Farewell Dinner for the IMU Debate Society finally came, happened and finished.

*conffetti falls and fireworks light up sky*

countless mintues on the phone with an American sounding, Chinese looking chef and even more minutes confirming, reconfirming and re-reconfirming with people about plans has paid off. handsomely? perhaps. =)

the place was Italiannies, as recommended by only the most HAPPENING chick in this side of the peninsular - Kak Anne. thanks again, Anne. you've got great taste in food. too bad your taste in guys is somewhat ... lacking. =P (think Remps)

late arrivals aside, the whole thing went smoothly. the table wasn't condusive for all 15 of us to be within talking distance, but it was the best we could get. the food was delicious! creme bulee was orgasmic. as was the tiramisu and shrimp linguine.

the company nearest to me too was to die for. Yee Pei, Elena, Grace, Richard and Jesse were my makan mates on the supposedly unhappening side of the table. bleh to you Prasad. we had fun. save for the unsavoury moment where i lost my cool ... i apologise to all who was offended for the incident. i did notice how shocked Grace looked when i shouted like that. sorry people! i should never have lost my temper like that. high stress levels that day ... =(

but the real reason we where there that day was not to indulge in Italian delicacies, but more to honour and pay tribute to the 8 pillars of the Debate Society of IMU - Sheena, Yee Pei, Vasan, Adeline, Elena, Rahman, Richard and Grace. these seniors have been nothing short of phenomenal in terms of the effort that they've put into turning the IMU debate scene into a respectable one. we might still be "little people", but as Hai Liang puts it - we make dents now.

Thank you seniors for the minimal pissing and maximum guiding. you guys were great and worth much more than the fortune we spent for the dinner (bye bye rego for Asians) ... good luck in all your future endeavours and do return whenever possible to show us the ropes again and to teach us how to piss on our juniors.

we will miss you guys!

After 4 straight hours of studying ...

2005-12-14T00:12:00.000+08:00

you realise the human body is a load of crap.

you learn something new everyday ...

2005-12-10T20:58:00.000+08:00

see the title above?

i originally wanted to use it as my blog name. but then ... nah. didn't sound too meaningful.

but you do learn something new everyday, don't you?

today i learnt many new things.

i went to MMU for the MMU Open debate championships.

i learnt 10 new things:

10. i get impatient with people very fast.

9. kailan doesn't go with prawns, especially if the prawns are bad.

8. MMU people drink before, after and if they had a chance, during, debates.

7. When judges yawn during your speech, it's not necessarily a good thing.

6. IMU debaters are not sociable (and we like it that way)

5. decent dressing during a debate makes you sound better - no shorts please.

4. i pee a lot when i'm nervous. and i thought the symphathetic nervous systems reduces micturation and urine production.

3. there are so many better speakers out there =(

2. there are also some real crap ones =)

and the number one thing i learnt ...

1. the less i write down as preparation, the more i can talk and still make sense.

i'm so tired. another debate tomorrow. i so need to mug after this is all over.

HOSTILE PRICK

2005-12-08T00:47:00.000+08:00

listening: Bob Dylan - You Belong To Me

if you notice the toilet on the 3rd floor of IMU (the one near the library), you'd realise that on the way to the guys toilet, you have no choice but to past the female toilet. and sometimes, it's almost impossible NOT to look in. not that you can see anything (i swear!).

so today, as i was walking in, i happened to notice my own reflection in the mirror of the female toilet.

i looked positively HOSTILE.

the short walk to the boy's toilet reconfirmed what i saw earlier.

then it hit me ...

i walk around looking like an angry, stuck-up PRICK!!!

speaking of which, someone did mention before that i did always look rather arrogant. i didn't believe her. but i'm starting to ... maybe i do permanently walk around with a dark cloud hanging over my head. but strangely enough, i don't really set out trying to look so pissed. honest! i think it's something i was born with, this angry face.

so if you've seen me around looking angry or cocky - sorry.

if you see me around looking angry - tell me!

i've gotta learn to smile more!!

And so Prasad said ...

2005-12-05T22:49:00.000+08:00

"Don't Chinese girls know that all they really want is an Indian boy?"

riggghhttttttt ..........

Depressed

2005-12-05T16:50:00.000+08:00

bleh.

listening: Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life - Monty Phython

not helping ...

=(

art imitates life?

2005-12-04T20:16:00.000+08:00

or is it the other way around?

read this and find out one really extreme way of honouring(?) your favourite artiste.

freaky.

A Letter to Cheryl Samad

2005-12-03T17:17:00.000+08:00

Dear Cheryl,

How are you? How has your day been? What? A busy day, you day? Doing what? MC-ing the Malaysian AIDS council AIDS talk in IMU. Oh. How was it? Did you have fun? That's great.

By the way, did you happen to remember shaking the hand on one little boy, who was so dying to meet you. He was wearing all black, about 6 feet tall, with specs. Do you remember how he bounded down the stairs at full speed, in eager anticipation of the very thought of being able to be in your presence. Oh, Cheryl. Do you remember the look on his face as he shook your hand, smiling nervously as butterflies fluttered in his stomach? And how he looked at you with admiration and awe.

Do you know he watches Malaysian Idol for you, not Jien? Or Daniel. Do you know he thinks Nescafe Kick Start is worthless save for you? Or that he shuns Guardian because YOU shop at Watson's? Do you know that, Cheryl?

But i bet you don't know how emotionally scarred this little boy is because today he forgot. He forgot what he had planned. He forgot what he wanted, no, needed to do. He lost his chance. The chance to forever capture for eternity the memory of you and him, side by side. How, you ask did he lose all this?

COS HE FREAKING WALKED OFF THE STAGE BEFORE THE PICTURE WAS TAKEN!!!

Oh, Cheryl. Will you ever know?

Yours forever,

the lost little boy.

=P

on fitting in

2005-12-01T20:08:00.000+08:00

listening now: Monty Python - The Penis Song ( i'm serious)

No man is an island. while we all don't need to be social butterflies (tho some of us choose to) , having friends and mere acquaintences is essential for us to fulfill our roles as members of a community. we are, after all, one of many. and to make sure we remain as one of the many and not one out of the many, we conform to norms and rules and we generally do what everyone else. and of course, there really is no greater feeling than sharing great moments with friends - laughing away the minutes. we all kow the feeling of having people we can count on at all times. people we can call at 3am to cry to, people who will go out of their way to get us something, people to share things with us as we would with them.

but then there are people, seemingly, that DON'T have friends.

as i was sitting in the auditorium during lectures today, i noticed a person from my batch (M205) that was/is always alone. i don't think i've ever seen him talk. i've seen him at lunch a couple of times, but always alone. he goes to lectures at 8, leaves at 10 and sits in some corner of the library alone. the typical loner.

for all i know, he might be the most HAPPENING playa outside of IMU. but it hardly seems that case. i've know people like him before. people who are painfully shy and basicaly lead an existence confined to themselves and to their homes. it is a sweeping generalization to say that everyone i assume to be loners do indeed fit this description, but there isn't any other way to prove it. all this people, i'm sure have amazing individuality if given the oppurtunity to show it, but the fact is, they don't.

i knew of a person in my primary school in JB. she was so quiet it was amazing. she never said anything. not even when teacher talked to her. and as a result of her oath to silence, you can imagine her being the brunt of our jokes quite often. we were immature little private school brats with little consideration for other people's feelings and how she felt really didn't matter to us. now that i think bout it, i feel really bad.

in secondary school, there was this guy in Form 4 called C. C was also really quiet. i remember Yong Chen and i actually trying to make an effort to get to know him but he seemed more content on ignoring us. i don't remeber much about him except the fact that he worked his ass off for every exam and didn't do that well. but i don't even know how he felt. he looked emotionless. or maybe i didn't try to get to know him better.

back to the present: the guy in the Auditorium still sits there quietly. i considered trying to make friends with him before. but i don't really know how. it's like approaching a girl up front to get to know her. impossible for ME to do. but i guess i should. at least invite him for lunch with the peeps. i don't like the idea of him always eating alone.

i know what it's like to eat alone. in the aforementioned private primary school, for some reason i still don't know, the WHOLE class decided not to talk to me.

for a month.

at all.

i was devastated. everyday i went to school with dread, knowing i'd be the f*cker sitting alone without anyone to talk to. i went home crying a couple of times.

eventually i found out that it was my then best friend who instigated this whole revolt against me. and somehow, as a form of revenge, i managed to turn the tables and get the whole class to not friend him. hahaha. for 2 months! =P

take that, asshole.

back to topic. yea, so basically this guy in our batch is really lonely, or at least he looks it. i will try to talk to him soon.

if it works out, me will have a new friend. if it doesn't, no one will know. cos he hasn't got anyone to talk to.

foolproof plan!

tired-ness =(

2005-11-27T18:09:00.000+08:00

just got back from the AIDA test (a debate adjudication workshop). am so tired. adjudicating can be such a brain drain. never mind that the videos had bad sounds and were fuzzy. never mind the camera man had mild Parkinson's disease. but why must they use debates from BIN rooms with THAI teams?!?!?

o_O

oh, yea. sum 1 results out tomoro.

to quote Prasad: "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

The Death of a Legend

2005-11-26T01:07:00.000+08:00

George Best : 1946 - 2005

Read his obituary.

1,2,3,4,5,6, ... 7

2005-11-18T19:34:00.000+08:00

me got tagged by Chu Kin

i don't really know how these things work.

anyway ...

7 Things You Plan To Do Before You Die

1. graduate from medical school
2. sky dive or bungee jump at least once
3. win a sporting competition
4. win a debate competiton =P
5. reach 80 years of age
6. learnt to have loved properly
7. marry, earn lots of money, find fulfillment in life.

7 Things I Could Do

1. stop procastinating and start studying.
2. watch more movies - King Kong and The Chronicles of Narnia (yippee!)
3. blog more
4. learn sign language
5. matter load for debates
6. call people i love more
7. start camping out at the library more (sigh ...)

7 Celebrity Crushes

1. Jessica Alba (OMG)
2. Anne Hathaway (so-so la)
3. Joss Stone *nosebleed*
4. Maya Karin (yes, the Pontianak)
5.
6.
7.

7 Often Repeated Words

1. the_bonze (don't ask)
2. what the ...
3. SET!!!
4. bedebumbumbum
5. buek
6. you sick animal
7. hungry ...

7 Traits I Look For In The Opposite Sex

1. intelligence
2. a great smile
3. ISA (super important haha)
4. should be able to hold a decent conversation
5. open minded
6. sporty
7. ambitious (i cannot stress this enough)

My 7 Tags Go To:

1. adeline gong
2. chow
3. paul
4. lishun
5. siaw
6. yong chen
7. sheena

wow. i'm waayyyy too free

2005-11-15T21:25:00.000+08:00

while i sit here waiting for my housemate, Chow Chow (the Best), to bring me back some dinner, i find myself fiddling around the computer.

then i had the brilliant idea to Google "wong yih seong" and see what i got.

click here to find out.

look at the 3rd and 4th result. it actually says Prime Minister Wong Yih Seong. haha.

=P

Calvin and Hobbes

2005-11-14T20:51:00.000+08:00

my childhood was one of pure bliss. my parents didn't put much pressure on us kids to study and we always had a wide collection of books to read and toys to play with. but till the day i die, i will always have fond memories of curling up in bed with my giant (at a time when i was very small, everything seemed big) Calvin and Hobbes book and just savouring every page, every comic, every panel.

the whole craze that my brother and i indulged ourselves in started, i think, when he brought back the first Calvin and Hobbes book. we were mesmerised by the drawings and while we hardly understood the jokes at that time, we laughed anyway.

it's only when you get older that you start to appreciate what Calvin says and how his words sound so much older than what a six year old would say.

here are some of his better quotes:

"To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible."

"Reality continues to ruin my life."

"What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up?"

"Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what."

"Childhood is short, maturity is forever."

"Oh, great altar of passive entertainment... Bestow upon me thy discordant images at such speed as to render linear thought impossible!"

"In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks."

"Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?"

"When I grow up, I'm not going to read the newspaper and I'm not going to follow complex issues and I'm not going to vote. That way I can complain when the government doesn't represent me. Then, when everything goes down the tubes, I can say the system doesn't work and justify my further lack of participation."

"The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest!"

"It's not the pace of life I mind. It's the sudden stop at the end."

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."

"I'M SIGNIFICANT!...screamed the dust speck."

"Do you hate being a girl? What's it like? Is it like being a bug?I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to comrehend the magnitude of it."

and my all time favourite ...

"Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success... ...Flat stretches of boring routine... ...And valleys of frustration and failure."

it's so sad how the author Bill Watterson chose to discontinue this great comic strip. he wanted to bow out on a high and so he did. but Calvin and Hobbes fans rejoice! a new box set featuring EVERY single comic panel drawn by the man himself is for sale. check it out here. my birthday is on the 24th of Feb. and i haven't ordered the box set yet.

*hint hint*

if you want to check out some great Calvin and Hobbes sites, go to Calvin and Hobbes Wonderland, Simply Calvin and Hobbes or Calvin and Hobbes' Magical World.

to end this entry, allow me to present the final Calvin and Hobbes panel drawn. *sob*

religion - the be all and end all?

2005-11-12T08:14:00.000+08:00

this is going to be my first serious post and it's bound to offend certain people to a certain extent. if you are going to feel insulted by me talking about religion and its effect on relationships -romantic or platonic - stop reading now. if you have still proceeded to read on and are offended, i apologise.

over the past few years of my life, as i enter a phase of my life where i begin to question more and judge people more frequently than is healthy, one thing has always stuck out as being a topic i could never comprehend - religion and relationships. relationships in this case being serious, i-want-to-be-your-lifelong-partner types and just normal platonic relationships shared between friends.

in my opinion, religion doesn't play so much of a part in determining whether 2 people become friends or how their friendships play out. living in a multicultural society like ours, we have learnt to allow religion to take a backseat when it comes to choosing our friends. but the whole situation when romantic feelings are involved. i've seen too many instances where religion, not love, determines whether a relationship can go on - myself included.

please note that most of this entry will be about christianity for the simple fact that most of the relationships i share are with people of this faith. i'm not talking a potshot at christians.

i share an almost 2 year relationship with Denise. she's sweet, kind and intelligent. she's also christian. i don't really care for the last part of the description, but unfortunately, too many others do. not so much the fact that she's christian, but more the fact that i'm NOT.
thankfully for me, she doesn't take my religion in the same bad light as others, but why others would even care which God i believe in scares me. how can an entire group of people judge me without having known me properly based on my religion alone.

i've talked to a number of people about this, some christian and some not. and these are the results:

the non christians think that religion doesn't matter when it comes to falling in love and having a relationship.
the christians do.

i'm not stereotyping anyone or saying every christian feels that way. neither am i against christianity. many of my closest friends are chirstian, although this is not how i choose to classify friends under normal circumstances. what i'm trying to say is that for some people, before you even consider embarking on something as inherently human as a relationship of love, religion has to be considered.

the christians i talked to have told me straight up that even if they did love a certain someone very much but if he wasn't of the same faith, they wouldn't attempt to have a relationship. why? because they don't pray to the same god. and because they don't share the same faith, they won't have the ability to connect on similair spiritual levels and that for both parties in the relationship, there will not be a common goal. this explanation i think is fair enough. however, if you really really really feel for someone, how can you let something like that get in the way? how can you let go of the chance to be in love with someone who you think embodies everything you could need in a partner, save for the fact that he's a non believer?

a close friend of mine once said that she cannot be with a non christian because having a non christian boyfriend would draw her away from God. i was quite taken aback. this probably applies if her non christian boyfriend consistently discouraged her from pursuing her religious obligations but i seriously doubt any really caring partner would do that. i certainly don't discourage Denise from going to church or the like. so does this still apply if you have a non christian boyfriend who encourages you to fulfill your religious duties and to love our God more? can you still say he's a deterrent to your duty as a good Christian?

i think the conclusion i get from talking about this issue with christian is this -
it's always going to be a choice between either having a relationship with god
or
having a relationship with someone of another faith.

there can never be a comprimise.

or can there?

i know my uncle and aunt who are happily married for about 20 years now both share different faiths. he's christian and she, buddhist. yet their relationship has persevered. he still goes to church every week and she prays regularly at the temple. both my uncle and his kids even share a strange mix of religious practices, going to church to attend mass yet finding time during chinese new year to visit the temples with my aunt and even praying with her. i think that's fantastic. another example i know is that of a particular senior currently seeing a non christian guy. they seem to be doing great. these are examples of people who chose to look past religion and see the qualities that actually matter in a partner.

after typing so much, i just realised something. why is it i never talked about how buddhists (my religion) cannot accept people from other faiths in a relationship. i'm sure there are instances where this has happened but not that i know of. so i guess i can't talk much about this.

i guess the real reason behind this entry is for me to know what people out there, especially the people reading this (ie - friends) think about this issue. i apologise if i offended you. i know i surely would have to some degree. but i also ask you to put your anger aside and reflect for a moment if you, regardless of whatever faith you are, are guilty(?) of what i just said. putting religion before love in a relationship.

do comment.

update, update ... for real

2005-11-11T16:52:00.000+08:00

i just awoke from an exhausting four hour nap, followed by an equally tiring lunch so now i decide to blog.

yesterday me and peeps watched The Exorcism of Emily Rose. important facts you should know before i proceed:

1. it is not a freakin' horror show. you want to get scared, go watch Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam 2.

2. Everything scary is already in the trailers (most of it anyway) so don't complain about there being too many courtroom scenes.

i thought the show was pretty good. not blow-me-away fantastic, but extremely enjoyable nonetheless. it was thought provoking, with lots of references to religion, medical advancements and societal perceptions but what stood out for me was the way the story was told. i didn't think dramatizing the court case and the characters involved in it was necessary but i guess that's the only way to generate enough momentum in the story for the scary scenes to work yet have a solid backbone to support it. there were quite a few disturbing scenes like *spoiler alert! close window if you don't want to know what happens!* Emily eating bugs and distorting herself like a yoga master high on drugs, but all in all, nowhere near The Exorcist scary.

if you want to know the true story (i think), then click here and get spooked.

on a more scary topic - sum 1 results! ahh! i don't ever want them to come out!

update, update ... not quite

2005-11-11T09:54:00.000+08:00

i'm too tired to put a proper blog entry now as i'm suffering from lack of sleep. urgh. will blog more when i'm slightly more awake.

stay tuned!

one week holiday report!

2005-11-06T15:26:00.000+08:00

OMG ... everyone studied during the one week break! except for me. EVERYONE ... that being Li Shun, Hui Lin and Chow Chow!! Argh!! i hate you ppl!! Insanity!!

i spent my entire one week in the bloody supine position, watching Astro and eating chocolates. as a result, i'm now fat(ter?), one week behind my work and caarrying a lot of guilt on my back. boohoohooo ... must study tomoro. *sob*

Apart from my PBl work, nothing much was accomplished in the past week. I watched The Longest Yard (bleh movie) and i ... err ... did nothing else significant.

Ack!!

cows

2005-11-03T09:41:00.000+08:00

i stumbled across an article in some magazine recently using humour and bovines to explain capitalism.

enjoy =)

traditional capitalism
you have two cows
you sell one and buy a bull
your herd multiplies and the economy grows
you sell themand reitre on the income

french capitalism
you have two cows
you go on strike because you want three cows

british capitalism
you have two cows
both are mad

swiss capitalism
you have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you
you charge others for storing them

japanese capitalism
you have two cows
you redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk
you then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them globally

russian capitalism
you count them and learn you have 5 cows
you count them again and learn you have 42 cows
you count them again and learn you have 12 cows
you stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka

german capitalism
you have two cows
you reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves

chinese capitalism
you have two cows
you have 300 people milking them
you claim full employment and high bovine productivity
you have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested

indian capitalism
you have two cows
you worship them

haha ...

i wonder what IMU capitalism would be like?

holidays

2005-11-02T10:10:00.000+08:00

been home in JB these few days and unlike Bukit Jalil, things here are more laid back. no rush, no stress. as i was telling Yee Pei, over here in JB, the birds chirp louder, the trees anre greener and the air is just fresher. Ahhhh ....

home.

i haven't started studying yet. i haven't started doing any of the things i planned to do such as file my notes, file my debate notes and blog more. not because i'm lazy but because it is a matter of national unity. i am adamant to respect the cultures of the other races in Malaysia such as the Malays and Indians who are in the midst of their respective religious celebrations. i reckon it is haram to blog when other faiths are celebrating important festive occassions.

haha.

oh ya ... before i forget, i am supposed to publicise a certain someone's blog. so for those of you who want to earn a date with who is agrubaly the HOTTEST (the most overused word of the month) female in IMU, click here and make your application. ppl of all genders and sexual inclinations are welcome - males, females, metros and trisexuals.

=)

5

2005-10-30T01:06:00.000+08:00

i only bathe with 5 fingers now. or at least until the wounds on my hand heal. basketball is a DANGEROUS game. haha. or at least if it is with SIAW. =P

5 minutes into a conversation i heard a very upseting piece of news. i had expected it all the while, to be honest. but still. it still hasn't sunk in yet.

5 hours later i was to hear news even more disturbing. news that made me realise how fragile life is.

5 hours. spent in klia last night. because Air Asia chose to delay their flight and leave me and kalpana stranded there with no cash and no way of acquiring any short of robbing the bank at klia. their reason for the delay - Operational Complications. wth? but i guess if you pay less, don't expect more. at least i had company.

5 weeks more till sem 5 have their EOS. best of luck seniors! i can lend you my Marieb! haha.

5 days back home! or maybe more. yay! but must study cos i've been dozing off during the last week of lectures.

on the other hand, there are 5 movies i want to watch this month - The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Four Brothers, Goal, Flightplan and some hong kong show with Sammo Hung.

5 more minutes online! i'm too upset to blog anymore.

=(

the weird world outside

2005-10-27T11:44:00.000+08:00

read the Star dated 26h October 2005. there's a teeny weeny article about a band called Prussian Blue. they're basically two 13 year old sisters who sing pop songs. seems like your typical modern day tennybopper kinda band. except they're actually a band supported by white supremacists. among the terms used to describe them over their short career are "neo-nazi" and "bigots". rightfully so. they're songs possess some really freaky lyrics ...

"Aryan man awake, How much more will you take, Turn that fear to hate, Aryan man awake."
Aryan Man Awake

"Times are very tough now for a proud White man to live."
Victory Day

"Warrior poet, I sing his songs. Ian Stuart, with his voice so strong. Remember his words, as we sing along. Rudolph Hess, man of Peace. He wouldn't give up and he wouldn't cease, to give his loyalty to our Cause. Remember him and give a pause. Robert Matthews knew the Truth. He knew what he had to do. He set an example with Courage so bold. We'll never let that fire grow cold"
Sacrifice

the last song is one about some white supremacists, among them Rudolph Hess, Hitler's number 3 and Deputy Führer of the Naze regime.

check out their website - Prussian Blue

that's some scary shit.

the show i want to watch most next to King Kong is The Exorcism of Emily Rose.

the trailer is freaky man. especially the part with the voice of "satan".

see the site. get scared! stimulate your sympathetic nervous system!

Emily Rose website

*boo!*

=P

exams are bad for your health

2005-10-25T11:28:00.000+08:00

just finished my first examination as a medical student. it was just like any other exam - stressful, sucky and made me feel like crap. haha.

everyone else seemed to breeze thru it and get all the questions i thought were difficult. sigh. i think (and hope) i can pass but anything beyond that is really just wishful thinking.

but this is a day that i've been looking forward to for the past month. everyday after school for the past 4 or 5 weeks have been spent camping in the library and mugging. finally, after all that time spent in the midst of other nerds and nerd wannabes, i'm free! till tomorrow where new material will be available for mugging. haha. life as a med student is sad.

went to watch a movie after the exam - A Sound of Thunder. ever since i read the short story written by Ray Bradbury i've been dying for a movie version of it. now that it's here i kinda wish only the book existed. the graphics were CRAP. the plot was reasonable and the acting- kayu. but it was enjoyable nevertheless.

the short story however, is just brilliant.

A Sound of Thunder

read it.

on stress, faith and lunch at the rooftop

2005-10-21T08:35:00.000+08:00

summative one is in 3 days time! yikes! i'm quite stressed out with all the studying and knowing my impending failure is approaching ... sigh. but tomorrow the debate seniors will have a Q & A session for us juniors and hopefully, that'll help me pass.

i'm so disappointed with the attitude of my "friends" who belittle my blogging stamina. buek. just cos i let 2 blogs die, don't mean i can't keep this up. i hope. haha. =P

haha. 2 funny things happened at the rooftop today.

1. during brunch, jeremy left his plate of curry puff unattended and a flock of sparrows descended upon it and began prancing around it. hilarious.

2. prasad said something funny today about his own race.

prasad : "the chinese and malay drink at social gatherings. for example, at marriages, they drink. indians are the opposite. they meet up, drink, and then get married."

haha.

no, i'm not racist.

what a substandard post.

=P

decisions, decisions ...

2005-10-17T12:40:00.000+08:00

shall i watch Lost Season 2 Episode 4 or study Skeletal Muscle Contractions?

hmm ...

i cannot wait any longer ...

2005-10-15T15:54:00.000+08:00

for summative one to be over.

for me to finally realise that i did fail it, as i predicted.

for the chance to go back home, in JB, where food is never scarce.

for the chance to debate.

for Denise to be free and go dating.

for more food.

for King Kong to come out. the movie, not some other big hairy thing. =P

for the kao yoke pao uncle to come back from holiday.

for dinner at home so mom can cook.

for lunch at home so grandma can cook.

for an afternoon without being in the library.

for Lost : Season 2 Episode 4.

for some decent TV, like Oprah. =)

sigh.

die, dengue, die!!

2005-10-13T16:32:00.000+08:00

everyday i read the papers and i see article after article highlighting the growing threat of dengue fever. politicians going on about draining out retained water and unclogging clogged drain. not too long ago, i would have just skipped these pages and read the comics but now, i pore over every word of these dengue related articles. i'm obsessed with dengue. harkety har. only because i got it before.

dengue was just another disease someone else got before it struck me. i don't know where that bloody (literally) mosquitoe bit me but all i know is on the day of my Stats A-Levels paper (which i got A for, haha) i felt horribly hot. It was while playing dota. i felt like i was burning and i told YC who was sitting next to me. he seemed mildly interested ...

then we went home and the hell began. i took my temperature and it read 39 degrees celsius. i thought 2 panadols and a nap would kill my temperature but even after a fitful 45 mins in bed, i felt like shit. by this time i was so freaking cold, i wore 7 layers of clothes and turned the fan off. hiding under my comforter, i remember shivering. a lot. i called my parents and they told me to sit under a COLD shower for 30 MINUTES. i did. and barely lived to tell the tale. i can't explain how unbelievably painful it is to have to sit under a torrent of cold water when your balls are already cold enough to freeze dry lamb chops. seeing how i felt no better, my mom arranged for my uncle in subang jaya to take me to his place so that he could watch over me. i packed my stuff, hobbled down the stairs and left in his car. all this while, my lovely roommates (pat, siaw, ashok and yc) chose to watch freakin' malaysian idol on tv. no one even cared i was half dead!! thanks guys =P

my parents came up the next day, got me admitted and i spent the next 6 days on a hospital bed, drip attached, in a semi-conscious state. i even did my bloody (not literally) Pure Maths 3 paper in the hospital with a temperature of 41 degrees and i flunked so badly, i seriously don't think i even got marks in double figures. haha. i don't remember much about being hospitalised but this is what i know:

1. my mom was an ever present source of strength. she pulled me through. she was my pillar.
2. my dad and bro were worried as hell being as far away from me as they were.
3. my classmates came to visit me and were a bright spot in my day.
4. my aunties came up with all sorts of herbal remedies (ginseng soup, frog and fungus soup, warm watermelon juice, spirulina) to cure me. i drank nothing. wakaka.
5. i only wanted to eat durians the whole time i was warded.
6. the nurses woke me up at 5am to withdraw blood. why then?!?!?!
7. they made me pee in a gourd shaped carboard box ( i kid you not!) so that they could measure my excretion. ewww.
8. i felt so damn tired. and i hated my drip. i clawed at my hand at night while asleep according to my mom who saw me go insane at night and didn't freak out. she's great.
9. the doc charged me RM75 each time he came in to say hi! wth!! SJMC gila wang siut!
10. the day i got discharged, i ate a lot. haha. i lost 6 kg in the 10 days i had dengue. i deserved to pig out.

so, the moral of the story is, don't get dengue. it sucks. i can testify to that. and mine was the MILDEST strain. take all precautions necessary.

i also need to thank everyone who came to see me. i don't really remember who you are, but thanks anyway. i was way too stoned. and thanks to mom, dad and kor for getting me through. love you guys. and to denise for her concern. =) ... and to the nurses for never once complaining when i "forgot" to pee in your little contraption. i guess they know how much it sucks to have to pee in one of those. and also thanks to paul for reminding me that i am the only one in taylor's with dengue to get 4As. everyone else got 5As, he says.

haha.

on another note :

Between January and the first week of October, 29,820 suspected dengue cases were recorded, an increase of nearly 30 percent from the 23,163 cases in the same period last year. More than 8,200 of those cases have been confirmed to be dengue.

The Star ( 11th Oct 2005)

I am now a statistic. sigh.

recipe for true love

2005-10-12T12:52:00.000+08:00

how to cook up a real relationship

one guy
one great girl
2 parts commitment
2 parts faith
2 parts trust
a lot of hard work
love

1. keep guy and girl apart for 4 months
2. allow guy and girl to mix properly, constantly stirring in commitment, faith and trust.
3. add hard work. don't bother going easy.
4. cook for 16 months.
5. sprinkle with love.
6. enjoy, appreciate and experience.

happy 16 months, Denise. i love you. and i know you love me too.

on ISA and addiction

2005-10-11T14:59:00.000+08:00

ISA is Intellectual Sex Appeal.

another discreet way of saying that you have something going on up there but the head that houses your brain has a pretty dodgy face. sigh. i just realised that while i was walking home.
i was tempted to put up a list of people i thought had ISA but it was too risky. somehow there were too many GUYS on that list. to avoid the risk of facing the same predicament endured by Prasad, i shall not post it up. haha ... =P

oh, also.

i'm an addict.

i'm hopelessly addicted to the the dim sum uncle outside IMU. not him per se, but the porky delights he sells. oh god. hot steamy siew mai, delicious tai pao, char siew pao sent from the gods. all inferior however to the lord of all things pork-ish : KAO YOKE PAO - that succulent piece of braised pork with tender lean meat, complimented by the perfect sliver of fat, wrapped by a soft, fluffy white bun, freshly steamed and oozing ISA (haha) ... mmm .... orgasmic!
no matter how full from dinner i am, all i have to do is see that damn van and i will go up and buy the damn dim sum. argh!!

i need help!

Farts of War and other stuff

2005-10-10T15:07:00.000+08:00

The Battle Cry of Group 15

Farting can be fun,
be it silent or loud,
you can do it on the run,
by yourself or in a crowd,
some are very dry,
and some are very wet,
some can make you cry,
and some can make you sweat,
so eat some spicy food,
and try to let one go,
cos if you feel it coming,
don't tell yourself NO!

sweet memories of a time gone by ...

and special thanks to YP for sprucing up my blog with all these cool stuff such as a tagbox and proper links that actually link. wakaka. she now knows my username and password ... die die la.

on a more embarassing note, i find myself debating a lot in the toilet. motions like : "This House Believes That Reality Shows Are An Insult to The Intelligence" sigh ... i wish i debated!!

btw, don't kill me for saying that Prasad.

i also want to use this oppurtunity to publicly come out and defend Prasad's sexuality. Not that i think being heterosexual is better than being homosexual, but since Prasad is straight and is finding difficulty in proving this fact, i will offer 3 reasons to prove it.

1. he has a girlfriend
2. he thinks a certain girl in our batch is hot, but hasn't said likewise for any guys
3. he played dota once(?) before

there you go. 3 compelling reasons to show why he is as hetero as they come.

freaky ...

2005-10-09T15:08:00.000+08:00

no one is home now! i'm all alone (with ms/mrs marieb). eeekk ... quite freaky man. my roomies are all somewhere else, leaving me to fend for myself the whole day. i've only seen one human (siaw) all day long and haven't touched any yet ... haha ... why does that sound so wrong?

today has been a day of attempts. attempt to wash the toilet. gagal. attempt to study. semi-gagal. attempt to blog. almost gagal until i decided coming online is more fun instead of studying. haha ... now that i am online, i'm not too sure if it is. haha.

i cooked dinner tonight - fried rice with ham, onions and eggs. yumZ. was going to cook pasta till i realised that i didn't have any tomatoes, which one would realise is essential for cooking pasta. so i settled for some yong chow action instead. not bad la. i would put up pictures of it but i don't have a camera.

i want a camera. been hankering for one for a long time but i don't think i'll use it a lot. on the other hand, i heard IMU students need cameras in the latter sems. what for? wonder if this is true.

hmmm ...

i really need to learn how to put links in my blog and have a chatbox or something. it is currently so uncool.

RED ALERT!!!

2005-10-08T09:26:00.000+08:00

yikes!! i lost my pencil box!! *sob sob*

anyone who reads this (so far i only know 2), please keep an eye out for it.

here is a description : black with a large metal plate that says "OP original", lots of highlighters and pens inside. there is also a purple pencil in there which i need as all my studying essence is stored in it. there is also an old piece of tissue in there which i use to wipe the drool i leave on the IMU library tables after my naps.

if you see it, return to me! i need my highlighters!!

i'm also thinking of putting up posters on the wall of the stairs leading to Food Ave like that other dude did. oh, no reward tho.

uck.

2005-10-08T06:41:00.000+08:00

uck. today was a bad day. lecture by NKM was ... a lecture by NKM - a one hour speech devoid of punctuation and logic. i wonder if it's only me that doesn't understand him sometimes ... hmm ...

uck. after that, i had some crusaiders meeting where deborah gave up her secretary post for me to give it to someone else. darn. wanted to be more involved actually. guess i'll have to wait for another chance.

uck. i haven't been able to do any proper studying as yet and i have so much more to do. as i'm saying this countless other library flora are mugging in the library. scary shit wei.

but then, on hindsight, thinking of the other 6.5 million AIDS sufferers in sub-saharan africa (hehe, NHSD approved fact!) and the millions of ppl without homes, families, love and hope in their lives, i guess i'm pretty well off. sometimes it's not what you don't have that makes you upset, it's what you have and don't appreciate that is actually making you moody.

there was a charity show i once watched where a boy with cerebral palsy (i think) quoted a buddhist teaching.

"it is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness"

he was only 10.

so maybe i shouldn't "uck" so much and actually get things done now.

=)

on nothing at all

2005-10-07T07:26:00.000+08:00

i have just returned from the library. everyone there is studying. how the hell do they do it at the subzero temperatures the library aircons function at?? i guess evolution has enabled the library gods/furniture/flora to develop certain morphological features to cope with extreme cold.

today was spent studying the lymphatic system ...

OH. MY. GOD.

i so cannot remember anything. i'm screwed la. and everyone else is saying it's easy.

on a lighter note, i am very proud of myself for having blogged 2 days consecutively. that has to be a first of sorts for me ... =)

on a not so light note, i'm feeling confused over issues. feeling guilty. feeling lost. sigh.

the past month or so ...

2005-10-06T15:35:00.000+08:00

has been more than i hoped for. IMU life is fun. maybe it's cos we had event after event - Orientation, NHSD, IMU cup ... there barely has been time to settle in into the mundane task of daily studying, altho i've been trying my best to do just that.

has been about ragging. Orientation was not what i expected. i expected pure hell for a week. what i got was a watered down but fun version. it's really too far away to talk about now, but i would just like to point out a few things.
1. our O.Os (Ken, Eve, Chu Kin) were fantastic. all my frens were so jealous ... =P
2. my group mates were great (too many to name, you know who you are)
3. treasure hunt was the bestest cos we won and we won cos we worked for it
4. dress code - BORING
5. overall - 7/10

has been about debating again. 2 tourneys, 2 weeks. crazy-ness!! NHSD was quite an experience. Alvin was a great (i mean it) partner to have and up till the 4th round, we did a good job. the tragedy of the 4th round just makes the whole experience slightly bitter but it doesn't detract from the fact that i had a great time. IMU cup however was a catastrophe. two 3rd placings. freakin' 16th in the speaker position list. made me question my abilities as a debater. but the seniors ( Sheena, Yee Pei, Vasan, Hai Liang and Adelin) gave me and Prasad more than just kind words, they gave us a push in the right direction. thanks to all of them.

has been about getting behind your semester. IMU cup is a great way to start of 2.5 years at IMU. my only regret is not joining more events for my semester. getting on the football and futsal team was for the taking. i gave it up. i didn't join tennis despite having actively played it before. my fault. i didn't dare try for more events and i lost out. shite. i will so join more when sem 3 comes. can't hardly wait. altho i have to give due credit to our basketball team for the greatest comeback in sports history against them pharmacists. also, our cheerleading squad did great too. kudos all around.

has been about mugging. i've been studying (a bit) hard these past few days upon realisation that there isn't much time yet. i have to work harder. altho seniors would have me believe otherwise ...

jody (sem 5) : for sem 1 i only studied 1 week before. can one!!

sheena (sem 5) : come on, you're only in sem 1. it's the time to do whatever you want.

alvin (sem 2) : wanna go carrefour? what? you want to study? *shows lewd sign*

see what i mean? i think i'll die by the time i reach sem 2.

=(

you think i'm insane? i think so too ...

2005-10-06T15:30:00.000+08:00

for those of you who know me and what i've been up to, i can read your mind right now

mind of person reading this : "whadajoke! he's at it AGAIN! will he ever learn?"

haha ... i think i'm insane too. why the hell am i even bothering to start another blog when the past two (yes, two) blogs i've set up have less posts in them than hair on my legs (those of you who know me well will no doubt acknowledge what a small number that is).

but in all honesty, i don't know either.

indecision aside, i find myself here typing after a traumatic day where i shed tears for the 1st time in a while. it hasn't been the easiest 24 hours hence the name of my blog. it's actually a line from a bon jovi song i really like but do not know the name of.

on a lighter note, over the past few hours, i've stumbled across some really good blogs, one of which belongs to an IMU student who i didn't know could blog. in a way i was inspired (corny word, don't like) to start blogging again.

so here goes.