stuck in an emotional vacuum

ever felt like you were stuck in nothing? nothing as in a total void. nothing as in empty space, where silence tears through the air and hurts your tympanic membrane (eardrums, excuse the jargon)

i feel like i'm in one of those vacuum seal, zip-loc bags. all the air has been sucked out, and i'm just trying to breathe. the edges of the bag are close enough to reach and yet even if i reach the sides, i can't climb out anyways.

being stuck in an emotional void is very much like watching a very bad cantonese film. in a theatre. in hong kong. where they all think it's riveting ( i choose hong kong movies cause i hate them and i don't understand the language. i'm a useless cantonese, sue me). there you are, with people right beside you, yet no one is within reach. you can't talk to them (because Nokia says not to talk when in cinemas) and you can't touch them because that would make them angry and scold you in cantonese (which i don't understand, as you might have already known). you can't watch the movie, because it's bad and devoid of a plot.

and so you sit.

and fidget a bit.

and squirm.

and yet you can't leave till it's over and you can't do anything but stare at the screen and try to make sense of it all. and all the while, make sure the person on the left and on the right don't get disturbed.

being in an emotional void is not a draining of your emotional reserves. it's just being in a little seat, in a dark cinema, where there are people everywhere, but no one to talk to.

and so i continue to stare at the screen.