Monday, December 04, 2006

first time

running since the accident. around the lake, trying to get my lungs to keep up with my legs. which is a good thing, i guess. my stamina is shot to bits, but my legs held up. i will never complain about jogging ever again. it felt so good to just move at a slightly faster pace than a sloth on sedatives, which was my normal pace a couple of weeks ago. now the wait to play futsal begins.

celebrating 3 birthdays in one day. Happy Birthday Winnie, it was a super party and you were an excellent host. Happy Birthday Paul, you've been a close friends since Taylor's and you'll be one till our days in Seremban. and hopefully beyond that. Luv ya, bro *in a totally straight way* Happy Birthday Cheems, i forgot to mention how you weren't only the liver of the SRC, but also of the IMU family we have. cos we have yew wen and wei loong in our midst. lol.

being there and not being scared. being strangely comfortable. how weird, i wonder why.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

overwhelmed

i have days while i sit on the steps in front of my apartment block and hate my life. i hate having to deal with a major exam in less than 2 months. i hate the physio in the mornings. not so much the pain, but the time and energy it drains from me. i hate the fact that i'm disadvantaged. life threw a pile of crud in my face, and i forgot to duck.

then somedays, i'm really thankful i have so much going well for me. that despite my situation, i have many things others don't have. that after the pain, i still have a leg to walk on. that i can afford the cab ride home. that people ask how i am.

somedays, i feel nothing.

today i felt overwhelmed by how i knew that no matter how trying this time may be, it too shall pass. that even thought things won't be perfect, thing can and will fall into place. the pieces won't click together with absolute certainty, but they will fit. that someone is taking care of me after all. for someone who isn't religious, i find it strange that i've come to accept that some things can't be controlled, just dealt with.

i hate not knowing exactly what to do all the time, not knowing that i am the only contributor to the consequence of my actions. but i think i need blind faith right now. the type of faith where you just stop trying to stay on top of things. i need to believe. even though i don't believe in it.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Bold the statements that are true to you.Italise the statements that you WISH are true.Leave the Fibs alone.Then, stab 3 people to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now.

I do not watch tv these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I have tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I have changed mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I curse.
I'm totally smart.
I've broken someone's bones. <--------- haha
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller ID.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I'm shy around members of the opposite sex.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I have tried alcohol before.
I own the South Park movie.
I would die for my best friend.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with girls (insert: and boys) (?!)
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I study for tests most of the time.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake's slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
I have jazz in my blood.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I wear a toe ring.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

it's 5.18

the last time i was still awake at this time, i was actually happy.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

irony

the future doctors-and-pharmacists-to-be stare and gawk, the cleaning lady on the 2nd floor stops to ask how i am. the pharmacy students snigger and speak in mandarin about it (i understand, idiots), the guard asks whether she can help me down the stairs.

the friends i expected to care, don't, and the juniors i barely know offer a smile and kind words.

the joy from winning imu cup gold for debate doesn't materialise, but the fun from doing it with my partner (debate partner) is more than i could ask for.

the conversations with my mother where i expect sympathy don't come. suck it up, she says.

the conversations with old time friends which i expected to be akward, turned out to be much more pleasant than i'd ever imagine. thanks.

the sleepless nights remain, but the need to call isn't as urgent anymore. i'll live with it, i guess.

Friday, September 29, 2006

simpler times

i miss college. i miss 121D. i miss the 7 of us doing shit and having fun. those were far simpler times. my mum said i grew up after coming to IMU, and that i changed. i guess i did. but i wish i could go back to the DoTA sessions, late night mamaks, 3-4s, cock talking marathons that we used to share.

Friday, September 15, 2006

beacuse i'm bored

most m2/05 peeps would already be out of the post respi exam feedback session (if there was one) and enjoying the sweet, sweet taste of freedom that one rarely gets in med school. if i were there now, i'd prob be going for lunch, then resting up before the football game later today. instead, i'm sitting with 1/3 of both ass cheekc perched on my plastic chair, blogging and trying not to be depressed bout my lack of mobility. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

everyone is having fun playing for imu cup. having fun going to lectures (it seems fun now), going out for movies, eating mamak food. doing anything else except staying at home eating painkillers, hobbling on crutches and doing physio. everyone except me.

i want to be able to play futsal. to go running again. to go to the toilet and piss without having to bring my goddamn crutches. to hug my bolster. to be able to fetch my own blooday glass of water at night. to answer phones while they're still ringing. to bend my fucked up knee!!

i am depressed. =(